Resilience in the Fast Lane: Learning from a 13-Year-Old Swimmer

The Ponds Forge International Sports Centre in Sheffield is a familiar sight to competitive swimmers across the UK. Its Olympic-sized pool has witnessed countless races, personal bests, and moments of triumph and disappointment. Just two weekends ago though, it became the backdrop for an unexpected lesson in resilience, courtesy of my 13-year-old daughter, Niamh.

Months before the City of Sheffield Summer Meet, while submitting entries, I made a simple yet significant error. For Niamh's 400m freestyle - a new event for her - I mistakenly entered 5:01.00 instead of 6:01.00 as her estimated time. A minute's difference might not seem much in everyday life, but in swimming, it's monumental. We discovered the mistake weeks later when the heat sheets were published. Niamh found herself placed in a heat with swimmers whose times were over a minute faster than her actual ability. The realisation hit hard, and a sense of dread began to build as the competition drew nearer.

In the weeks leading up to the meet, Niamh grappled with a mix of emotions. Anxiety about competing against much faster swimmers. Frustration at the error that put her in this position (stupid dad!). Self-doubt about her readiness for the 400m distance. We discussed the possibility of withdrawing, but Niamh seemed reluctant to make a decision either way, her uncertainty palpable as the days ticked by. I gave her the out too - I said I would ‘fess up to her coach and take the hit if she wanted to withdraw.

As we drove to Sheffield the day before the competition, the car was quieter than usual. The familiar pre-race jitters were amplified by the unique challenge Niamh faced. Arriving at Ponds Forge, surrounded by the bustle of excited swimmers and nervous parents, I finally asked Niamh if she wanted to withdraw from the race. I said that I would speak to the coach and it wouldn’t land on her. She wasn’t sure and wanted to think about it.

She paused for a few more hours, considering. Then, she came back to speak to me and, with a shrug that belied the weight of her decision, she said, "I've got nothing to lose, have I?"

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That simple statement, uttered with a mix of resignation and determination, caught me off guard. In that moment, Niamh demonstrated a level of resilience and perspective that many adults struggle to achieve.

As we made our way poolside, the enormity of the challenge ahead became clear. The electronic scoreboard displayed the heat listings, and there was Niamh's name, nestled among competitors with significantly faster seed times. The atmosphere was charged with nervous energy, the air heavy with the familiar scent of chlorine. Sorry…I will stop with the poetic licence now!

Niamh took her place behind the starting block, dwarfed by taller, more experienced swimmers. I could see her taking deep breaths, trying to calm her nerves. The whistle blew, and she stepped up onto the block alongside her competitors.

"Take your marks."

The tension was palpable. (Ok, sorry I haven’t stopped!)

As the starter pressed the familiar buzzer, Niamh went off like a rocket (no false start thankfully but it was close - me and her mum actually thought she had DQd with her dive!). From the first stroke, it was clear that Niamh was outpaced. By the end of the first 100 metres, she was already trailing significantly. But something remarkable happened - instead of giving up or becoming discouraged, Niamh settled into her own rhythm.

As the race progressed, I watched her navigate this new distance, learning to pace herself in real-time. She wasn't competing against the other swimmers anymore; she was racing against herself, against her own limits. Yes, she had a little look around whilst swimming but what we had told her about not getting caught up in what others did but to let them drag you along and for you to work at your own pace - it was working.

AI Generated Image: Midjourney Prompt: banksy style mural about cultivating resilience despite adversity with a father proud of his daughter's achievements ar16:9

The last 50 metres were a testament to her determination. Despite being far behind the leaders, Niamh gave it everything she had, touching the wall with a final burst of energy. When she looked up at the scoreboard, her face broke into a wide grin. 5:34.79 - nearly 30 seconds faster than we had anticipated. In the face of what seemed like crazy odds, Niamh had not only completed the race but had significantly exceeded expectations.

As she climbed out of the pool, I could see a new confidence in her posture. She had faced a daunting challenge head-on and come out stronger on the other side. In that moment, I realised that my 13 year-old had just given me a masterclass in resilience (and hopefully you as readers too!).

Niamh's experience offers valuable insights into cultivating resilience as a deliberate strategy. Her approach - facing a daunting challenge head-on - demonstrates how we can transform obstacles into opportunities for growth. Key to her success - and ours if we let it - was her ability to reframe the situation. Rather than fixating on potential failure, she viewed the race as a chance to learn and test her limits. This mental shift is crucial in developing resilience. It's about asking "What can I gain?" instead of "What if I fail?" I saw and shared a great story on Instagram this week that said:

“If you’re going to spend time worrying about worst case scenarios, it’s only fair to spend time considering best case scenarios.”

I like that. A lot.

Equally important as a lesson in resilience was Niamh's focus on personal improvement rather than comparison to others. In a race where she was clearly outmatched, she found motivation in competing against herself. This intrinsic motivation, maintained despite external pressures, is a cornerstone of resilience. Developing this kind of resilience isn't always comfortable. It often requires stepping out of our comfort zones (cliched though it might sound) and confronting our fears directly. But as she showed, the resulting growth can be significant.

This approach to resilience has applications far beyond the swimming pool. In education, work, relationships, sport, personal development, allsorts - the ability to adapt and grow from challenges is invaluable. It's about viewing setbacks not as failures, but as stepping stones to improvement.

In the classroom, resilience can transform a student's approach to learning. Take a child struggling with maths, for instance. Instead of becoming discouraged by difficult problems, a resilient learner might view each challenge as an opportunity to strengthen their problem-solving skills. This mindset not only improves academic performance but also builds confidence that extends beyond school walls.

“Successful people demonstrate their resilience through their dedication to making progress every day, even if that progress is marginal.”

Jonathan Mills, Director & Writer

The essence of marginal gains is worth a mention here when it comes to resilience. The idea of marginal gains, popularised by Sir Dave Brailsford with British Cycling, fits perfectly with Niamh's approach to her challenging swim. This concept suggests that small, incremental improvements can lead to significant overall progress when combined.

In Niamh's case, each stroke, each turn, each breath was an opportunity for a marginal gain. She wasn't focused on drastically outperforming her competitors, but on making small improvements throughout the race. These cumulative gains resulted in her impressive 30-second improvement.

Sir Dave Brailsford famously said:

"The whole principle came from the idea that if you broke down everything you could think of that goes into riding a bike, and then improved it by 1%, you will get a significant increase when you put them all together."

Sir Dave Brailsford CBE, former Performance Director of British Cycling

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This principle applies not just to sports, but to building resilience in all areas of life. Each small challenge we face and overcome, each minor setback we bounce back from, contributes to our overall resilience. It's not about making dramatic transformations overnight, but about consistently pushing our boundaries and learning from each experience. By focusing on these marginal gains, we make the process of building resilience less daunting. Instead of fixating on major challenges, we can concentrate on small, achievable improvements. Over time, these minor advancements compound, leading to significant growth in our capacity to face and overcome obstacles.

The workplace is another arena where resilience proves invaluable. In today's job market, adaptability is crucial, as I have said multiple times. An employee who approaches new technologies or changing job responsibilities with Niamh's "nothing to lose" attitude is more likely to thrive. They're able to see potential for growth where others might only see threats to their comfort or competence.

This ability to thrive, rather than merely survive, in challenging circumstances is a key aspect of resilience. Researchers Spreitzer and Porath define thriving as "the psychological state in which individuals experience both a sense of vitality and learning". Their work suggests that employees who thrive are not just coping with change, but actively engaging with it, finding energy and opportunities for development in new situations.

In their Harvard Business Review article, Spreitzer and Porath note:

"Employees who are thriving are not just satisfied and productive but also engaged in creating the future—the company's and their own."

Spreitzer & Porath (2012)

This perfectly encapsulates the mindset of a resilient employee. Like Niamh approaching her challenging race, they're not just getting through the experience, but actively learning and growing from it.

An employee embodying this thriving mindset might view a company restructure not as a threat, but as a chance to expand their skill set or take on new responsibilities. They might see the introduction of new software not as a burdensome task to learn, but as an opportunity to increase their technological proficiency and potentially innovate in their role.

This approach to workplace challenges doesn't just benefit the individual; it can transform entire organisations. When employees thrive, they're more likely to innovate, collaborate effectively, and contribute to a positive work culture. They become agents of change rather than resistors, driving the company forward in times of uncertainty or transition.

Fostering this kind of thriving resilience in the workplace requires a supportive environment. Just as Niamh's resilience was bolstered by her training and support network, employees need the right conditions to develop and apply their resilience. This might include opportunities for learning and development, a culture that values innovation and calculated risk-taking, and leaders who model resilient behaviours.

Relationships, too, benefit from resilience. Conflicts and misunderstandings are inevitable in any close relationship. Resilient individuals are better equipped to navigate these rough patches, viewing disagreements as opportunities to deepen understanding and strengthen bonds rather than as irreparable rifts. The ability to ‘have the difficult conversations’ is a foundation for relational success. It is not a question of if conflict or disagreement will occur but a matter of when it will.

Sheila Heen, a lecturer at Harvard Law School and co-author of the book Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most wrote,

"The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place."

Sheila Heen

This sentiment underscores the importance of clear, intentional communication, especially when dealing with conflict or challenging topics. It reminds us that in difficult conversations, we often think we've conveyed our message clearly or understood the other person fully, when in reality, there may be significant misunderstandings or unspoken assumptions. This will absolutely need to happen to develop resilience.

But how do we cultivate this kind of resilience? Niamh's experience offers some clues (and I am putting the takeaways in the middle of the essay this week to fool the algorithm!):

1. Embrace challenges: Instead of avoiding difficult situations, actively seek them out. This doesn't mean recklessly putting yourself in harm's way, but rather choosing to engage with tasks or experiences that push you out of your comfort zone. What do you find hard? Have a go. Better than Yesterday is the aim, right?

2. Reframe setbacks: When things don't go as planned, resist the urge to view it as a failure. Instead, ask yourself what you can learn from the experience. What worked? What didn't? How can you apply these lessons going forward? It’s that Steven Bartlett thing again: Failure = Feedback = Knowledge = Power.

3. Focus on personal growth: Rather than constantly comparing yourself to others, set personal benchmarks. Celebrate improvements, no matter how small. A win is a win; it doesn’t need justifying or downplaying. That’s why gratitude journals are a great idea - hint, hint.

4. Develop a growth mindset: Believe in your ability to learn and improve. Talents and abilities aren't fixed; they can be developed through effort and persistence. Read Carol Dweck’s book - again.

5. Practice self-compassion: Be kind to yourself when you face setbacks. Treat yourself with the same understanding and encouragement you'd offer a good friend. We are often our own biggest critic - and that’s just not cricket.

6. Build a support network: Surround yourself with people who encourage your growth and support you through challenges. It’s not just people who tell you what you want to hear either (although we all need a bit of that sometimes; we need to have those around us who speak our names in rooms we aren’t in.)

7. Reflect and learn: Take time to process your experiences. What strategies worked well? What could you do differently next time?

Niamh did all of these things, whether consciously or not.

AI Generated Image: Midjourney Prompt: Resilience in the Fast Lane: Learning from a 13-Year-Old female Swimmer ar16:9

Implementing these strategies isn't always easy. It requires consistent effort and a willingness to sit with discomfort. But the payoff - increased adaptability, improved problem-solving skills, and greater emotional resilience - is well worth the investment.

It's important to note that resilience isn't about being tough or suppressing emotions. In fact, acknowledging and processing our feelings is a crucial part of building resilience. Niamh's initial anxiety and uncertainty about the race were natural and valid responses. Her resilience wasn't in denying these feelings, but in choosing to move forward despite them.

Moreover, resilience doesn't mean going it alone. Niamh's decision to swim was supported by a network - coaches, teammates, family. Building resilience often involves knowing when to lean on others and when to push yourself.

As parents, educators, or leaders, we play a crucial role in fostering resilience in others. This doesn't mean shielding them from all difficulties. Rather, it's about providing a supportive environment where it's safe to take risks and learn from mistakes. It's about encouraging a growth mindset and helping to reframe setbacks as learning opportunities. It’s about that psychological safety thing again.

In Niamh's case, my role as a dad was to provide options and support her decision, not to make the choice for her. By allowing her to decide whether to swim or withdraw, I gave her agency in the situation. This ownership is crucial in developing resilience - it's about facing challenges by choice rather than feeling forced into difficult situations.

The power of resilience as a strategy extends beyond individual growth. It can reshape entire communities and organisations. Consider a small business facing unexpected market changes. A resilient approach might involve viewing the disruption as an opportunity to innovate, rather than a threat to the status quo. This mindset can lead to creative solutions and new avenues for growth that might otherwise have been overlooked.

In education, schools that foster resilience in their students and staff are better equipped to handle challenges, from adapting to new technologies to navigating societal changes. These institutions create an environment where experimentation is encouraged and mistakes are seen as part of the learning process, not failures to be punished.

Niamh's swimming experience also highlights the importance of preparation in building resilience. While the race itself was a challenge, her ability to face it was underpinned by months of training and practice. This reminds us that resilience isn't just about how we react in the moment of challenge, but how we prepare ourselves to face difficulties. Sir Clive Woodward called it TCUP - Thinking Correctly Under Pressure. Everything done on the practice field made the pressure points of a drop goal in the World Cup final, ’just another play we’ve done a 1000 times before’. (I heard him talk about this at a conference over 15 years ago and I still remember it like it was yesterday!)

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Preparation might involve developing skills, building knowledge, or strengthening our support networks. It's about creating a foundation that allows us to approach challenges with confidence. In Niamh's case, her regular training and previous racing experience gave her the physical and mental tools to tackle the 400m freestyle, even if she hadn't competed at that distance before.

However, it's crucial to recognise that resilience isn't about being prepared for every possible scenario. It's impossible to anticipate every challenge we might face. Instead, true resilience involves developing a flexible mindset that allows us to adapt to unexpected situations. The ability to pivot, to learn new skills quickly, and to maintain a positive outlook in the face of uncertainty are increasingly valuable traits. By cultivating resilience, we're not just preparing for specific challenges, but developing a general capacity to handle whatever life throws our way.

Resilience can be developed and strengthened over time through deliberate practice and reflection. Each challenge we face and overcome builds our resilience muscle, making us better equipped for future difficulties. The journey to building it is not always linear. There will be setbacks, moments of doubt, and times when we feel overwhelmed. Niamh's story is a single snapshot of resilience in action, but it's important to acknowledge that she, like all of us, will face many more challenges. Some she'll handle with grace, others might temporarily knock her off balance. The key is to view each experience as part of a larger learning process.

Too often, we focus solely on achievements, overlooking the valuable lessons that come from falling short. A resilient mindset reframes failure not as an endpoint, but as a stepping stone to future success.

Niamh's decision to swim that 400m freestyle was a small act of courage, but its ripple effects extend far beyond that single race. Her teammates witnessed her determination. Her coaches saw her potential for growth. And as her parent, I gained a powerful lesson in the importance of allowing our children to face challenges head-on. I couldn’t have been much prouder.

This experience has prompted me to reflect on my own approach to challenges. How often do I shy away from difficult situations, fearing failure or embarrassment? How might my life change if I embraced Niamh's "nothing to lose" attitude more often?

Where are my trunks?

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